Darby Jean #93 | Darby Jean photo spectacular!

Time’s a little thin on the ground these days, which means we must make do this week with this hastily assembled photo spectacular. The world of soccer is a beguiling place, with its many moments made absurd by reasonably energetic agency photographers in possession of the right credentials, lenses with long focal lengths, and monopods. Who doesn’t love a good monopod? Or a good photo, for that matter? Let’s begin. It will all be over so, so shortly.

Tim Krul- Haircut Champion

Who has the best haircut in this photo? Tim Krul, that's who. Here we see the business end of the Norwich City’s keeper’s ubiquitous mostly-mullet. It’s a haircut that’s free and easy and densely packed at the same time. A hybrid style that is equal parts classic and dated, but somehow self assured. This is a LOT for one haircut to do. Krul's performs its duties admirably.

Pileup at Elland Road

Everyone in this photo knows how badly this collision sucks. Leeds’ keeper Illian Meslier looks like an anvil’s been dropped on his head. If he were twelve years old he’d be crying. Easily. He’s in that “fuuuuuuuuuuuck” kind of pain that comes when you get winded after a girl punches you in the stomach at a bar. Look at Pablo Fornals: he’s not just yelling like that because he’s a Spaniard in the 18-yard box. That shit hurts. Even Calvin “Shmalvin” Phillips, who seems to be getting off the lightest of the three, can be seen grimacing in profile. But the one who feels this the most out of everyone is the Leeds fan in the second row, second from the left, who, body tensed in sympathy, leans away from the carnage on the field, as if somehow it might help him escape.

*This photo makes me glad to have eyes I cannot believe.*

Maurizio Sarri asks an eagle for cigarettes

Here’s Lazio manager Maurizio Sarri holding the club’s mascot, an Eagle named Olympia, after a famous 3-2 derby win over Roma on Sunday. This thing looks mean as fuck, as all bald eagles, implied fascist symbolism or not, are wont to do.“This terrifying animal has cigarettes,” Sarri seems to be saying to himself. “Maybe if I tickle him he will show me where his cigarettes are.”

*Emile Smith-Rowe avec his band of men.*

Smith-Rowe blowing kisses

After fulfilling the dream of most well-trained North London boys - a goal and an assist in an Arsenal shirt at home on derby day - Emile Smith-Rowe showed more emotion than he has in his entire Premier League career to date. Here, still in the midst of his moment, Smith-Rowe blows a kiss to the enraptured Emirates crowd, even as the expressions of his teammates tell a different story.

Someone out of frame has done something naughty. Gabriel’s face says “Hmmm?” even as Auba throws dirty Auba shapes in front of him. Granit Xhaka has the look of a bouncer spotting dancefloor trouble, mouth open as wide as a fish.

But it's Kieran Tierney's subtle glare that's the show stopper here. Positioned at Xhaka’s right shoulder, it's clear that the Scotsman has the full size of whatever’s happened out of frame, his face formed in a look of resentful, disappointment that says, “the bastard.”

*Neal Maupay stealing a point for Brighton.*

Neal Maupay chip shot

This is what it looks like just before a 1-0 triumph over your rivals turns into a 1-1 tie in the game's dying seconds that feels like a 1-0 loss for the rest of the week. You blew it, Palace. All of you.