Apologies again for the answer-on-a-postcard that was DJ Issue #75. There was a deadline elsewhere, you see. This week promises to be less wasteful, but as someone reading this you already know that even that’s not for certain.

This time of year is tricky. Winter's Wagnerian opus is nearing its end, and while there’s ample suggestion of sunshine and warmth, it's hard to decide whether the space heater at one's feet should be off, or on, or on, or off.

As for this season and the football, things haven't fully revealed themselves quite yet, and despite a few obvious clues there are still subplots waiting to unfold. That's the point of watching, I suppose.

In other news, what’s your game plan? Are you and your family safe? Sound? Possibly inoculated? Here’s hoping.

That Lamela goal

ou saw Eric Lamela’s goal for Spurs on Sunday, right? No? Loser. You missed a silky rabona of the highest calibre. I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like it.

The strike was near-mythical in its execution. Completely improbable. You can tell because just before Lamela's outlandish strike you see Lucas Moura (Lucas Moooouuuuuuuuuuurrrrraaaaaa!) wave his hand in apology at the pass he'd just sent his way.

On the goal I have three questions: 1) How do you manage to put curl on a driven rabona? 2) While you’re off balance? 3) In an actual game that matters?

Getting sent off 20 minutes later for putting his studs through most of the opponent’s midfield probably wasn’t the capstone Lamela would have wanted, but as derby performances go, he’ll be able to fall back on this one in time.

Ronaldo/Messi Fast fact

For the first time since 2005, the Champions League quarter finals will feature neither Lionel Messi nor Cristiano Ronaldo. The pair’s window on dominance and diametrically opposed hairstyles is closing, palfriends, but with Erling Haaland yelling at keepers after potting second attempt penalties (the scamp), this competition has plenty to look forward to.

Haircut - Adama Traore  

Adama Traore needs to make a decision about his hair. When it’s braided it looks fucking lethal, but when it's in that v-style afro with the skin-fade, or the smaller, twisted afro, his powers feel diminished.

My son had a Fernando Torres-calibre mullet going for a solid eight months. We cut it recently, and I’m definitely not as scared of him as I used to be. That's what the right hair can do.

None of this has anything to do with Adama Traore’s capacity as a player. He’s lightning fast, and a good crosser of the ball, if a touch one-note, particularly with his right foot. Of course, everyone knows what’s going to happen: touch one, touch two, then head down and express coach (night bus, back seat, bottle of red wine) straight to the touchline for something driven low to the near-post, or looping to the far.

He needs those braids, man. I'm telling you.

Group text: El Beastro + Pelky

The wheat from the chaff of a short exchange inside the tumult of West Brom vs Palace on Saturday:

el B: Roy Hodgson looks 95 years old
P: Bit of exaggerating there, mate, he’s only 94

Ah, it's getting late. Who cares?

Choons | Mogwai - Ritchie Sacramento

There was a moment recently where Mogwai, a 25-year old post-rock band from Glasgow, had the #1 album in the UK. This shouldn't have happened. There must be a reason, and inside that reason there must be a reason. That sub-reason is this song, Ritchie Sacramento, the second-best Mogwai singing song there is (Mogwai don't sing much, they mostly play). The winner for me is Party in the Dark, which upon closer review, is basically the same song as R.S. - same key, even - followed by ‘Tuner’, which is a Pedro the Lion song written by Mogwai. You take what you can get in this life, pals.