But not before a decent Cross-Fit session…

Welcome to the start of another week, also known as the invariable purgatory of today. And tomorrow. It's painful to think that it's been nearly a year since our pandemic-ing began, but so it goes.

And that's not resignation, it's acceptance. It's really just about dealing with things: a little or a lottle while longer.

I read a quote last summer from an artist named named Velibor Bozovic, who spoke of being in his 20s at the time when Yugoslavia was crumbling. Apparently I had the sense to write this down in a notebook, because I found it the other day:

"It was the first winter where you realized that this is going to last, this is your life. And somehow you live."

Were the Canadian border open, I'd apply for one of those socialist grants of ours and host you all at a good, spacious pub. I'd ensure that it didn't close until we'd all had our fill of James Ward-Prouse, or The Weekend, or fucking Superstore, or whatever lights your fire these chilly winter days. Pints would be drawn and spilled, as would, ideally, admissions of guilt and hope.

Love you.

That Bruno goal.

Few would argue Bruno Fernandes’ impact since arriving in Manchester. With the Portuguese pulling the strings, United is a much more robust animal in 2021 than the quaking, feral thing that stalked the savannahs of 2020.

As to his strike versus Everton, it's Fernandes' vision that warrants the credit here. This wasn’t a chip, and it only vaguely resembled a shot. And Fernandes just had so much....time. Why did he have so much time? Regardless, the 20-yarder fooled everyone to the point where even as Fernandes ambled backwards in celebration it seemed as though the play somehow hadn’t happened. But it had, and it was excellent.

Spotted: Takumi Minamino in a pair of Ralphgloves

Liverpool loanee Takumi Minamino wasted no time scoring for his temporary club, (sure) Southampton, with a top bins taser beam against Newcastle. And lo, what covered the elfin Japanese’s hands but a pair of Ralphgloves, proving that there is utility to this accessory beyond besting Jurgen Klopp while dressed as a continental Mike Holmgren. Nice one, Takumi.

Darby Jean Ranklings Table

It’s time for another DJ Ranklings League table, which is little more than a hastily assembled list of the most resentable people in soccer that come to mind on a Monday night, cos it’s been too long.

Bruno Fernandes
Reason: bitchiness; celebrations; talent

Phil Foden
Reason: left footed taser beams; haircuts; Iceland; talent

Jorginho
Reason: aesthetically unpleasant penalty run-up; facial hair experimentation; Chelsea; talent

Jurgen Klopp
Reason: That your goalkeeper’s feet may or may not have been cold is not why your squad was facewashed 4-1 by City. Play the centre halves you bought and stop making excuses

This photo is incredible:

Sam Allardyce losing his mind (and his relegation record)

Since taking over for Slaven Bilic, Sam Allardyce has made West Bromwich Albion objectively worse. But that’s not the real story. The real story is this towering monolith of a photo, featuring a deranged-looking Allardyce demonstrating his ball slam technique to the horror of Lucas Moura (Lucas Mourrrrrrrraaaaaa!) and Lee Pelletier. And look! There’s Big Sam’s small pal, Sammy Lee, again. What a generous image.

Choons | Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever- Falling Thunder

These dudes have been on on and off of the music robot for three years solid thanks to the Punographer’s reco. It’s to the point where my interest in visiting Australia is tethered exclusively to attending a BBQ where they’re playing live. These are my terms. What a tune.